10 Valid Reasons to Always be Late in Uganda

      I’m sure you can relate; You get an invite. A ticket to an event. An appointment. And you do everything in your power to be there. On time. And you make it. On time!  Except you’re not. On time, I mean. You’re early. Too early! And too late to go back to bed and sleep a bit longer. And too out of place to blend in. Are you angry now? Frustrated? With who? Yourself? Yes. But I am going to relieve you of the burden of being early, by giving you ten very convincing reasons why you should not. Welcome to Uganda, the land of freedom. And no time constraints.

1. Better late than never.

You must have heard this expression, or at least one of its many variations:

Better late than the late.

Haraka haraka si muendo.  (Kiswahili. Hurry, hurry is not motion)

Bugu bugu si muliro (Luganda: warm, warm, is not fire)

All these tell me, and should tell you too, that rushing is not the fastest way to your desired destination. That rushing only slows you down. That trying to be early can have the opposite effect.

It could be even fatal, if driving recklessly to beat the clock, causing bodily injury and even death, hence the saying, “Better late than the late...”

2. Be late to be on time.

I know of a woman who would always be on time for events. Then she would get so angry at the event organisers as well as everyone else, because everyone else was late. I know her pain; I am the same way. For me Seven O’ Clock is 7:00, not 7: 01, and definitely not eight. But I learned the hard way to be on time by being late. Not that I would arrive at the event late, but that I would arrive ready to find the cleaners still sweeping the floor, and not be bothered. You can however, choose to take your time and arrive an hour late, except for instances I will list in a minute.

3. Be late to get more stuff done.

If you have important deadlines to meet, clients to call, or even an episode of your favourite TV show to finish, don’t let the time on your invitation card (or the WhatsApp chat) stop you. So many times, I have left work unfinished, trying to beat time to meet up with a friend, or a client, or even a family member (they should know, right?)  who would invariably make me wait an hour or more at our agreed meet up point. This constantly irritated me, especially when I would call or message ahead just to confirm that I will be there at that time, thinking it would make them at least try to get there on time as well. That doesn’t work around here. My advice, finish your important thing, and then, and only then start the journey.

4. Be late to make more friends.

Everybody who knows me knows me as a person who is always on time. Also, I have no friends. Coincidence? I think not. No one wants to be friends with a person who makes them feel bad about themselves. Especially over trivial matters like tardiness! It’s human nature. People like people like them. And if you intend to make, and keep friends, the fastest way, ironically enough, is to be late. Besides, it’ll help when you want to meet up for coffee and you don’t have to wait as long for them. Then you won’t be mad at yourself, and they won’t be mad at you. Win/ win!

5. Be late to save money.

Not for work, if you’re docked. But for an appointment outside the office, with a friend who needs a favour. I have fallen into the trap of leaving food on the table, grabbing a bodaboda, and reaching my appointment on time, only to check in and find out that they are an hour or more away. An hour! Sixty minutes. I wish this weren’t true! I would then, in that very moment, realise that I am hungry, and I just went over budget for my transport fare. And for what? To wait? To be forced to buy a snack while I wait? To have to eat junk food because I am frustrated, and I left healthy food untouched when I rushed out of the house? Save money, be late. That is my motto.

6. Be late to stay healthy.

That’s correct. People who are always late are happier, and have lower risk of heart related diseases. I think it is because they are never worried about keeping their appointment. I’ll get there when I get there. Is a good philosophy. And like I mentioned earlier, you never have to eat junk food if you eat healthy food at home before you leave, hence protecting your health. Also, to be a bit spiritual, the negative energy that comes from being angry at someone who kept you waiting an hour is not a stressor that you can afford to have in your life.

7. Be late to show patriotism.

Yes, I said it. Uganda is one country where you can, and must show patriotism by being late. Why? Because if you are on time, you will see what is not the best version of us. Let me break it down for you. You’ll show up at a concert and find the band doing the sound check. You’ll show up at church and find the choir dressing. You’ll show up at a wedding and find the decorators still covering the tables. That’s just the way it is! And you can either assimilate, or take your punctuality somewhere else. Preferably somewhere close, or far enough for you to actually be back on time! Whenever that is.

8. Be late to save face.

One thing you must never do in Uganda is accept two invitations for two separate events on the same day. Never. No matter how far apart the start times are, you’ll be on time for one and late for the next. Let me rephrase that. You’ll be too early for one event and too late for the next. Actually, you’ll be too early for one and on time for the next. Okay, that last one is a best case scenario. But I have to warn you that no matter how early the invite says that the event will end, you should always give an allowance of two hours. If after that you can make it for the next event, then, by all means! You will be tired and cranky, and probably do or say something embarrassing, but at least you’ll have shown up. Late!

9. Be late to avoid traffic jam.

Ah, the good old excuse: Jam. It’s a crisis. It’s understandable. It’s a great fall back when you’re late. But do you actually have to sit in it? If you’re a passenger and have a fully charged phone with Internet, maybe. If you are driving, I don’t see why. You can wait it out. In the comfort of your home. Granted you are nothing like me; to keep having mini panic attacks about being late. In which case you should probably just sit in the jam and keep having mini panic attacks about being late. I’m just saying, you don’t have to!

10. Be late. Be fashionably late.

Who doesn’t love a dramatic entrance? Me. I detest them. But if you are looking for a reason to make one, here’s one on a silver platter. You arrive at an event you were not invited for. You don’t want to sneak in. You, my friend, want to stand out. And how will you stand out if you are early? Eh? Take the low road, arrive fashionably late and make your dramatic entrance. It may not get you an invite to the next event, but it may give people something to talk about other than the bland food and warm drinks at the party. A little side note, you can also do this at a party you were invited to, and this time you’ll get another invite. It’s Uganda, after all! We don’t see time! We see people, and we welcome anyone, tardy or not.

With that said, here are some instances in which it is a disgrace to be late. Under no circumstances should you even consider the prospect. Not only will you be extremely embarrassed, you will probably regret it for the rest of your life.

1. A meeting with your boss or superior.
2. The birth of your child. Even if you are the father.
3. A job interview. Unless you don’t want it.
4. A correspondence with the BBC. It’s always live, and the whole world is watching. Represent!
5. A live seminar or webinar with a successful speaker.
6. Your own wedding. That’s just rude!
7. What’s wrong with you, really? Shower, shave and show up! On time!
8. A flight, obviously.
9. And yes, I know what I said about the choir. Close your eyes. Pray. Or pretend to!
10. An appointment with a client you genuinely want to work with. Otherwise, why bother?

And that’s the whole thing. Lateness is a necessary evil, and as long as we don’t have buses that arrive and leave the bus stop at set times, time itself will remain an illusion. Relative. A mystery. Just remember to reset your internal clock when you cross the border, because here in Uganda, that ship is yet to sail. It’s never too late though!